This... intellectual thing? This academia thing?

Why did I doubt myself?

Getting back into it, into the flow of learning and absorbing and listening and connecting, is the best thing I could've done for myself. So long, I was terrified to try again after losing interest and being overwhelmed and dropping out. Whatever part of my brain this is, the part of me that enjoys school, that turns response papers and calculus problems into a game, that's me, just me, and one bad semester will never be enough to destroy me.

Didn't realize how damaged my self-esteem was after that, and what a huge part of my identity "student" continues to be. I'm the smart kid. Always have been, and will work to continue to be.

This time, I've got more going for me. I know how to manage my time, I'm eager to please, I've got something to prove, and I want to excel in all the required classes so I can focus on the things that fascinate me. I can do this, I can do this, and I WILL do this.

(And, no matter how advanced my vocabulary becomes, some perverse little voice will persist in hollering, "Booyah, bitches!" in the back of my brain.)